Death is different nearby

My next door neighbor died earlier this year, and it has been a new experience for me with death.

I used to think I had experienced a lot of death compared to most people. But now I’m 40, and at my age, everyone has seen some death, and many of my peers have certainly surpassed me. Many have lost a parent by 40, and I’m so fortunate to still have both of mine.

My neighbor was a good friend of mine, and his passing has made me realized that I had never experienced the absence of someone whose daily presence I’m used to. I didn’t see him every single day, but working from home, with my office window looking at his house, I certainly felt his presence. And for most of this year, I have also felt his absence on a daily basis. In some sense, I am grateful for the reminders, because as I get older, I get more practiced at compartmentalizing and getting on.

Most recently, I have watched as his sister came up from out of town periodically to handle his affairs and belongings. That’s a process I haven’t dealt with at all. I know it has been hard for her, because not only has she been sorting through his things, but because he bought the house from his parents, who passed on long ago, it has been a repository for the larger family.

Their cousin’s family just bought the house from his sister and is moving in. I’m really excited that the house will remain in their extended family for a third generation. Their legacy continues.

Arc of a job search

It is always helpful to have a roadmap for an unfamiliar experience. I did not, as I embarked on an intense job search. But maybe my reflection will be useful to others.

I noticed that the process has followed an arc. Much like chess, it has a distinct opening, middlegame, and endgame. Each of these phases has a very different feel, and has required me to optimize in different ways.

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The butterfly effect of kindness

A picture of a finger knocking over a domino, triggering a cascade of dominoes falling.

Last week I learned of the death of one of the grownups from my childhood church, George Shores. Mr. Shores was my assigned mentor for an academic competition. Winning it may well have been the first event in a virtuous cycle¹, setting me up for a tremendous amount of opportunity. Learning of his death made me reflect on the ways in which relatively small acts of altruism can make a huge impact.

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Leaving the nest

A dramatic photo of a bird flying away from its nest into a dark, cloudy sky, with sunbeams shining through a gap in the clouds.

For the first time in my life, I am unemployed without having my next occupation lined up. For years, I have felt that this would actually be the best way to search for a new job. I have never felt I had the chance to see more than a glimpse of the market. For months, I’ve been considering taking the plunge into a full-time job search.

As 2024 arrived, events overtook me, and the hypothetical became real.

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Silence is golden

Image of a man overwhelmed by symbols representing a maelstrom of messages — It me

Protect your notification space. This is my #1 tip for managing time and attention.

My goal is to to only get notifications for things that require my timely action or awareness. Everything else needs to be out of my notifications, especially marketing and news. Unfortunately, enforcing this is a continuous job.

I want to talk about why I think this is critically important and then some concrete strategies I apply.

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Be vulnerable

Vulnerability doesn’t come naturally to me. While I really enjoy sharing and discussing things, I do not like attention. It makes me feel unsafe. So, it was hard to post my #OpenForWork post. It’s also hard to post these sentences. But I just want to say that it’s been incredibly heartwarming to receive check-ins, solid leads on roles, and warm intros. It has made a huge difference in the opportunities that I’m aware of and my ability to make progress through those early stages of the application funnel.

I’m sharing this because if there’s anybody else who can relate, maybe this is a nudge to push through the discomfort and ask for support. And if there’s anything I can ever do to help anyone, please let me know.

And as an update, the search is ongoing, but going well. My concern level is not “zero”, but I’m pretty sure things will work out. I feel very fortunate. My worries are with folks who are earlier career or do jobs that have less demand. It’s a wild time.

Everything, all at once: inside a single Jeopardy clue

Shot of the full Jeopardy gameboard — That famous Jeopardy! gameboard

Like many Jeopardy contestants, I find that people love asking me about the experience. I, in turn, love talking about Jeopardy! A question nobody has ever asked me is “what’s it like to answer a clue?”

Why answer this unasked question? First of all, folks might find it interesting that something that looks so simple on TV is actually quite complicated. Secondly, for future contestants, I think that figuring out how to optimize each tiny aspect of the “clue loop” could help them perform at their best.

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Joan of freaking Arc

An illustration of Joan of arc, apparently from the 15th century — Joan of Arc, nemesis of the English, and now, me

While in complete control of my own destiny, I got bounced out of the first round of my Champions Wildcard Tournament on a Final Jeopardy question that I would guess correctly probably 9 days out of 10. I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. What the heck happened?

Since the moment I stepped off stage, I’ve been trying to piece together how exactly I got my Final Jeopardy wrong. I felt confident about The Catholic Church as a category, and considering the question was really more about European history, it should have been well within my wheelhouse. How the heck did I get it wrong? Unfortunately, I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I think I’m pretty close.

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Lightning strikes twice

The dual experiences of competing on Jeopardy in December 2020 and then reliving it with everybody I know (and then some) when it aired in February 2021 were a fantasy come true. I dreamed of being on Jeopardy since I was a teenager. In my 20s, I started to think I might actually be good enough.

At age 36, it became a reality. I won one match, reigned as Champion for a couple hours, then lost my second. Then, “poof”, the dream was over. It was a life goal achieved, but also something that would forever be in the rear view mirror.

Or so I thought!

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“Hectic, but great”

I find it challenging to decide how to answer when people ask me how I’m doing. I try not to be superficial, so I give my answer some consideration. I want to strike the balance of respecting that a person may be just be making small talk, or they might be asking out of a desire to really connect. So I want to keep it brief, but open to further conversation. I often end up saying some variation of “hectic, but great”.

“Person juggling all the things” — generated by Stable Diffusion

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