Rejection is a gift

“I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.”

This is one of the big takeaways of my job search, as it nears its end. This is hard for me to acknowledge, as someone who can get along with nearly anyone and with a track record that highlights my versatility.

I don’t mean this in terms of getting along with interviewers. I mean in terms of people’s vision for the role they’re hiring for and whether I’m a high confidence match.

But I think that’s OK.

For one example, you can look at my background and see that I’ve done a lot of different things. I suspect that some people see the diversity of my background as a strength, while others see it as puzzling. In some interviews, I get questions that are excited and curious. In others, I get a lot of pointed “why”s.

I’m hard to label. My career path is hard to explain. My goals don’t neatly align with the things that a lot of people value. I suspect I present as a risky bet to some, where other candidates may present as a more obvious fit.

This is just one dimension where I might mismatch expectations. Some others:

• I’m a consultant, not a commander, as a leader. I prefer helping people figure out the best path forward rather than telling people what to do. Some teams want someone decisive, who will bring answers.
• I’m a generalist, not a specialist. I take pride in figuring things out as necessary, even in complex, high pressure situations. Some teams want someone who has “done the thing” before, ideally multiple times.
• My experience is at HyphenTech companies, rather than BigTech brand names. I don’t have the imprimatur of BigTech and high scale systems. Some teams prefer people who have had that experience.
• I have been primarily managing for the past 5 years, rather than hands-on developing. Many of the roles I’m applying for have a hands-on component, may want someone who has continuously been at the keyboard.
• My career path has been medium-length stints. I don’t feel I’ve ever left a role before delivering on what I was hired for, and then some. But some teams may want someone who has, at least once, stayed in a role for a long-term stint.

I don’t think there’s anything I can—or even should—do to try to make myself attractive to everyone’s vision of what they need. I can’t help but keep it real, even when I feel like I’m not telling an interviewer what I think they want to hear. I suspect that this has led to some rejections that could have been offers.

But the opposite of rejection is acceptance. Every job I actually have taken has been with a team that really seems to get me, and I think that’s been a big reason I’m on a long streak of jobs that I’ve absolutely loved, and this has led to much success. As I get to the conclusion of this job search, the places where I have offers or feel likely to get them are places where the mutual vibe is right.

It will always be hard to get rejections. Although they may well be a big part of what has made my career so satisfying.