Coming back from break was harder than I thought it would be. Having almost 2 weeks off was fantastic, but it almost felt too long. By the end of the break, I was starting to feel tired of being aimless. I was looking forward to having structure again.
But as soon as my alarm went off, reality set in again. The first day was a struggle. Strangely enough, nothing went horribly wrong that day; I was just not into to it. I had planned on coming back with enthusiasm, but that morning, it was tough to muster the energy to interact with my students. It was one of those days when I just didn’t like any part of my job. A full day of butting heads with students and dealing with dozens of manifestations of social problems was a lot to handle after such a break from responsibility. I came home exhausted and slept most of the evening away.
Fortunately, after some long conversations, I cheered up considerably. I realized that maybe it was too much to expect that I’d set right back in the groove where I’d left off before break, and that maybe I’m not abnormally bad at or ill-suited for teaching.
These last couple days have gone much better, at least in terms of my feelings internally. And although my classroom is far from the well-oiled machine I’d like it to be, I really do feel more comfortable in my role. My lessons are going way better lately, and my ability to assert my authority is definitely coming along. It’s still hard as heck and exhausting, but I’m not feeling so dismal anymore.